We sat down to meditate with the best of intentions. Eyes shut, one breath noticed, and suddenly we were doing the weekly shop in our heads. We needed eggs. There was a call to return. Upstairs, someone had been dragging a chair across the floor for ten minutes, possibly towards Scotland.
We opened one eye. Less than a minute had passed. Inner peace appeared to be waiting on the landing.
It helped to work out what we were actually trying to do. Meditating didn't have to look like a photograph of someone sitting beside a lake. We had an ordinary chair, a washing machine and quite a lot on our minds. That was somewhere to start.
Do I need an empty mind to meditate?
No. In the attention exercise below, you choose something to notice and return to it when you realise you've drifted off. Thoughts can still turn up. Catching yourself mentally shopping gives you a chance to decide whether to come back to what you were observing.
Meditation includes different practices with different traditions and purposes. This guide offers one simple attention exercise to try at home. It doesn't cover every approach or require you to hold any particular belief.
Nor are we aiming for a faultless performance. That morning, we found we could notice our breathing again without having a go at ourselves about the eggs. We wrote them down afterwards. The shopping list survived.
Find a spot in the home you actually have
Look for somewhere reasonably comfortable, with fewer interruptions if that's possible. A chair, part of the sofa or a space you use for other things can do. You don't need a room reserved for meditation.
Using the same spot might help you remember. If it's occupied tomorrow, move. Familiar surroundings can be handy without becoming a rule. Our supposed peaceful corner sometimes contains a small mountain of clean washing. The laundry has a remarkably busy social life.
You could mute notifications you don't need, let someone you live with know you'd like a moment, or choose a quieter time. Keep any calls you need to receive switched on. The neighbours and the washing machine may have other plans. You needn't wait for the whole building to take a vow of silence.
Your position should suit your body
Try sitting with steady support, relaxed shoulders and your feet or legs somewhere comfortable. You can support your back. You don't have to cross your legs or hold yourself rigid to prove you're taking it seriously. Change position if it hurts.
Some practices can be done lying down. Guy's and St Thomas' offers seated or lying positions for its body scan. Choose an arrangement that suits your needs.
Lying down might make you sleepy. You could try sitting, pick another time or have a rest. Nodding off once doesn't make that position wrong for everyone. And your knees shouldn't have to negotiate with a cushion they can't stand.
For this exercise, your eyes can be open or closed. If you keep them open, let your gaze rest somewhere without straining. Ordinary comfortable lighting is enough. Candles, incense and special scents aren't required.
Start with a little time you can spare
You might try two minutes. That's a small invitation, not a dose with guaranteed results. You can stop sooner, stay a little longer or leave it for another day. There's no weekly target to hit, as though you were training for a job as a statue.
If you use a timer, choose a gentle sound and check the volume first. The one on your phone is fine. We learnt this after setting an alarm that sounded like an evacuation warning. That put an end to the solemn atmosphere.
You can also manage without a timer. The point is to have a rough idea of what you're trying, rather than spending the whole time wondering when it'll finish. There's no need to turn setting it up into a faff.
A first go, step by step
- Get comfortable. Adjust any support or position that needs changing before you begin.
- Choose something simple to notice. It could be your natural breathing, your feet against the floor, a sound or an object you can see.
- Observe it for a moment. If you've chosen breathing, you don't need to deepen it or impose a rhythm. Notice how it feels now.
- When you realise you've wandered off, return if you want to continue. There's no need to argue with the thought or finish the conversation your mind has started.
- When you're done, look around. Take a moment before moving on, and change position comfortably.
Picking one thing at the start can make the exercise easier to follow. You aren't obliged to stick with it if it feels uncomfortable. If noticing your breathing makes you anxious, you can try an external focus, such as a sound or an object, or stop.
You don't need a running commentary, either. We tried that: “I'm breathing. Now I'm thinking about breathing. Does that count as thinking?” A whole committee had turned up. We noticed our feet on the floor again and postponed the meeting.
When your mind goes off on its own
Work might pop up, along with a catchy song or something somebody said on Tuesday. In this exercise, wandering off and noticing it are things you can observe. Neither needs to become an argument with yourself.
If you're worried about forgetting something practical, you can stop, write it down and then decide whether to continue. Sometimes that's easier than spending five minutes guarding a thought as if it were an egg in a spoon race.
You might also find yourself uncomfortable, bored or restless. Those experiences don't all mean the same thing. Changing position, shortening the exercise or finishing are options. A chart promising everything will improve in week three is no reason to force yourself through it.
What if meditation makes me feel worse?
You can stop. Open your eyes if they're closed, look around and change activities if that helps. Seek advice from a health professional if the distress is intense, persists or worries you. You don't need to keep going to prove your commitment, and meditation doesn't replace care you need.
The NHS says mindfulness isn't right for everyone and can make some people feel worse. Taking your own experience seriously matters too.
That's why we want you to have a choice. We won't tell you every unpleasant feeling is progress, or that disliking meditation means you're doing it wrong.
Use a guide if you find it helpful
A voice talking you through the exercise can help you know what to do next. Look for clear instructions, a pace you're comfortable with and permission to stop or adjust your position. You don't need to buy a subscription to find out whether you like it.
The NHS has a beginner's guide and audio exercises. If you choose an app or a course, check what's included, what it costs and who's providing it before signing up.
You can keep using a guide if you enjoy it. Practising without a voice isn't a higher rank. Some days you may want quiet, and on others a few clear instructions are welcome company.
Let the habit fit your life
You could try after something you already do, such as shutting your laptop or getting ready for bed. Pick a time that works for you. Changing shifts or caring responsibilities might mean that time varies. That doesn't cancel out your efforts.
After a few tries, notice concrete things: whether you'd like another go, need different support, prefer a guide or find the experience unpleasant. People respond differently. There's no timetable guaranteeing better sleep after three months or an effortless habit after six.
If you'd like a personal corner, you can make one. A treasured object might remind you to take a moment. The Spark of Calm belongs to the Magikitos' stories. A figure can keep you company without us claiming it does anything for your health.
We sat down again another day. Upstairs, the furniture was still on the move. The washing machine carried on, and this time there were eggs in the fridge. We got distracted again. We noticed again, too. Afterwards, we put the cushion away and got on with the morning. We'd made a little room without giving ourselves another thing to feel bad about.
