What it means
A cheeky, fairly gentle way to call someone a numpty after they’ve done something daft or careless. It’s the sort of insult you can throw at a mate, a sibling, even yourself, without starting a full-on row. Works best in the classic you absolute doughnut format when someone’s just bungled the obvious. Not exactly polite, but still family-friendly.
Usage examples
"You parked in the disabled bay again and forgot the handbrake. You absolute doughnut, now the car’s rolled into Dave’s Fiesta."
"Picked up the wrong takeaway again from the Indian on the high street, ordered chicken got prawn, you absolute doughnut, the dog had a feast and we ate cereal."
"Locked myself out for the third time this month, stood there shivering on the porch in pyjamas, full doughnut energy, the neighbour saw me and brought tea before opening her own door."
Where it comes from
Sits in British playful insult tradition since the nineteen eighties, with the round hole of the doughnut serving as a polite stand-in for an empty head. The sitcom Only Fools and Horses cemented the format you absolute doughnut for the whole country, and now you can say it to your kids without a parents evening visit.
Other ways to say it
Editors of this term
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